You can only be given to you by an acceptance. I'm getting permission to breathe. Thank you. Thank you so much. Get that guy's number. He might need it someday. And can only given to ourselves by our acceptance of it. And so when I look around, I came through the door, I went, wow, look at this, what a process. And coming up here, wondering what it was that I could really share with you that for me and my need would have substance, because you fulfill my need, your being here, and mine being able to come and be with you.

That fulfills my need, my predatory self-interest. It gives me my purpose, the fulfillment of my purpose, to share with you a few simple things, a few simple words, concepts and ideas, which I believe are paramount to anything. You know, when you talk about the community of heaven, if you're a devout Christian and believe in heaven and the works of heaven, that's your right and your place. If you believe in the supreme realization of enlightenment, that you will reach that pinnacle of enlightenment, and that's your place, that's your supreme right.

If you believe in the sacredness of your being as you set, as you are, and as you are created, that is your right. And collectively, I honor and respect that. I respect all of the ways in which people have, because all of the ways are right. It's what we do with the rightness of our ways, of our perceptions that are important here, here on the process on this planet, and in effect, the place where we are at, the vector here on Earth. It's what you do here in Tehachapi. It's what you do here in your community. It's what you do here in your work and your job here, if you have a job here. And your connectedness wherever you might be from, but your connectedness to this place and the ideas and the words, whether you're in total agreement or not, it's not important.

The fact that you still are connected, related, whether you choose to be or not. And then if you really choose to be, then you become involved. You become physically involved, mentally involved, emotionally involved, spiritually involved, fiscally involved, because it becomes that type of a process. You have a working community. A working community. And anything that you do outside or apart from and detached from doesn't really work unless you use the benefit of that to sustain and help sustain your community. We have passed the time, the time has changed when the individualism and ruggedness of the individual and for the individual's sake, I, I, I, I, me, me, me, has gone. It can no longer be that for the only way that we can survive and will survive is through the harmonious balance of community and the realization that we must all find a way in which to live together, put aside our grievances, speak openly and honestly.

Put aside the grievances and the pettiness and the anger. As you heard on my tape from the 12th, I had no more room for anger. It had been burned out of me, it was gone. I had no room for hatred or animosity or judgment. I didn't have time for that anymore. All that I did have time for was to seek and to speak with as many as I could or can or will about the issues, the issue of compassion. To find and to see within yourself the sacredness of what you look for. To see the glory of the sunrise within your smile and your eyes and within your inner self. To feel the power of the ocean pulling, pulling within you and the pull of the moons and the planets, and knowing that when you cough or sneeze or when you breathe, you move a star, you move a planet, you move through the galaxy.

More recent brought to me in the experiences in December, during that time of the six deaths that I went through, was the moving through space and the moving through what I call the multiple, multiple universes and galaxies. And moving through sound, moving through sound, and moving through spirit, and moving through energy. It wasn't just an empty place with nothing, because this space here where my hand is and what I grab is alive. It is alive and it breathes and it moves and it's alive because it sustains me and you're part of that. That's a change for me. Because there was a time when I did not perceive that. There was a time when I didn't see my relationship with you because your relationship with me was purely a pawn in the game of the ethnicity and the socialization and the economic game.

And I was trained to do just so much that would give me a minimal amount of purchasing power, and yet kept me bound and in chains, so to speak, economically, politically, socially, not caring to vote, because no matter who in the hell I voted for, oh excuse me, for who in the heck I voted for, it wouldn't make a doggone bit of difference. Because those people really didn't give a hoot about my well-being, or the well-being historically or socially, of anything which I represented by symbolic, physical symbolic representation. And I've shared with you the hatred I went through of being of color, how hard I prayed to be white. And I didn't know that all I had to do was join a particular church.

And if I prayed long enough, I'd turn white. But I put that aside and sought to pursue being satisfied and happy with myself. And when those old men came into my life and they said to me, you know, you're a sacred being and you have validity as you are and until you accept yourself for who and what you are, you'll just be another fool running around in a circle looking, trying to catch your tail. And so I decided to make the change, a change again.

When I became sober and clean, it was a change. When I stopped abusing my family, it was a change. When I stopped abusing other people psychologically, physically, mentally, emotionally, it was a change. And that change occurs with each breath, each breath. I see things differently, and the problem, I had a breath ago, isn't the same, it's changed, it's no longer as critical, it's no longer as pressing as it was because it's changed itself, it's changed. Because the energy that makes the problem changes also as it breathes and gives life and feeds off of all of the other things. But I realize it's all about community, the community of humanity, the community of this place, the community of the gathering down in Garden Grove, we have that community.

And as I'm sharing more with them, the same thing as I share with you today, by partaking in that community, you have made an unseen or unknown commitment. You have made and have acquired unseen or unknown responsibilities. And it's for you to figure them out, to eventually come into acceptance with them, to align them, to get them in a row, to somehow see them for what they are. And not all of them are great and wonderful. I'd like to digress for a moment and say whoever has a responsibility of cleaning the restroom, Union 76 has nothing on you. It's a wonderful place to go into. The restroom out here, I just visited it. It's wonderful. It's immaculate, it's clean. I don't know if you get that or not. Union 76 prides themselves on having clean restrooms and this isn't a Union station. I want to thank you. But moving back, part of the community, part of what you are, somebody has that responsibility. You see, and somebody has a responsibility of setting up here. And somebody has a responsibility of setting there and there and there and there and here. And it's all part of your community.

And if you cannot see it as your community and as your responsibility and as your commitment, maybe you're missing a grand experience. It may be time to reevaluate it for yourself. What does it hold for us in the future? What about five years down the road, little crow? I don't know. I'm moving on the next breath. I'm just waiting to see what happens on the next breath. What am I going to say? What are your actions going to be? What are your reactions going to be? How are we going to interact? How am I going to communicate to you? The simplicity of it. The simplicity of it. It doesn't take a catastrophic event for things to happen.

It never fails to amaze me when they report earthquakes. They say things like, this is not related to... this is in no way related to the one in 1953 or whatever, and I shake my head because it's such an ignorant statement, because everything is related. You and me and the earthquakes and the storm and the wind and everything else, the heat, it's all related. And I think part of the community down there is that I've been sharing more and more the connection with nature and the connection and responsibility that comes with being connected to nature.

Not in just lip service, not in just a once a month check, or once every six months to Greenpeace or to the environment, or don't dump the cans, or don't put plastic in the sea, and send those little checks out, you know. It's more than that. It's putting that practical concept to work in your own life, how you can better do something. Our sticker says, everything is sacred, you make a difference, and indeed that's the issue. Do you really believe you make a difference or do you feel that you don't? And is the kind of difference you want to make, is it something that you are in consensus with here, because community has to have consensus also.

Either we agree to it and do it or we don't. But we agree to it and half do and half don't. We do it anyway, you've got one half pulling against the other and the train's moving in two different directions, that won't work. So we talk about that also being the unwitting, the unwitting counterpart to success. How does something succeed? It only succeeds if all of us are pulling in the same direction. And if we're not pulling in the same direction, then we are in encounter, we're encountering, encounter to each other. We're in opposite and opposed fields. And there isn't any time for that anymore. You and I are in the red and blue days. And that's when the sun will turn blue and the moon will turn red, and it will happen.

Now what does that mark? That's some of that old Indian stuff, you know. That marks the times of change that were talked about, because there wasn't a way to articulate it. We had to have a physical visual symbol. Oh, the sun will turn blue and the moon will turn red. Red and blue day. And then we design a blanket for it. We have a blanket at our gathering which is red and blue, symbolic that every time somebody sees that red and blue blanket, they're cognizant of the red and blue days.

And they go, ah, we're in the red and blue days. We have to be aware. We have to be willing. We have to work together. And those times are here. We've seen the fall of great nations. Last year we talked about the prophecies that were being made. Of all the people who are making the prophecies. Prophecies are based upon history. History is secular.

It's not too difficult to understand. If you want to know what happened a hundred years ago, what's going to happen a hundred years later, go back and look what happened a hundred years ago. And you will find in history that the same thing happened. It occurred. It's secular. It's inescapable. It's a reality. That's all. The only thing that's happened and occurred is change. Different kinds of buildings fall down, different kinds of dams break, different kinds of crops are flooded, different kinds of vegetation burns, different kinds of people die. But basically it's the same, day in and day out. Wouldn't it be very boring if nothing ever changed?

If we could keep it like it used to be, the good old days, and how it was. I don't know how it was, because how it was, how people thought it was, never was. You know, it never was that way. You don't find anybody can tell you how it was really, they go, well I hear about it or it was like this, but that doesn't make it like it was. And somebody says, you're not very traditional. And I say, I'm as traditional as the next breath. I'm talking to you in a traditional manner. I'm an orator, so I am doing and participating in oratory. But it's not traditional because it ended with the last breath and begins with the next breath.

So it changes. Everything changes. There's nothing traditionally in place. Religiosity changes and needs to change because the people who are listening and reading John 13, it's the next book. John 13 doesn't mean the same thing. And so you read, you know, you got to read something else. It's just that simple. And so that's why we've had the modifications in the Bible, 14 of them or so, and we continue to change it as the needs of the people change.

You dictate what the Bible does. You dictate how it's changed and how it's rewritten. By either your acceptance of what is or what was. And if you refute it and say, no, that's not right, it doesn't apply, the words are archaic and antiquated, let's get up to date, let's bring it up to date, let's simplify the Bible, let's simplify religion, let's simplify our faith, then merely accept the world for what it presents you and get on with your life in the best possible way.

And don't expect somebody to do it for you. Don't expect somebody to do your work for you. Community takes an all-out effort by everyone. Everyone must participate or it doesn't work. We are a global community. We have those who are in abeyance to peace and balance and harmony. That's kind of historical. There are always going to be somebody who's not happy with the way things are. It doesn't stop me from praying for those who would be disruptive and kill and destroy. I was a little worried about my age. I read a recluse, a reclusive old man and he was 57. I'm going, whoa, wow. A reclusive old man at 57 died the other day from a heart attack. He was a pack rat and all the stuff he had fell down on him, only his feet were sticking out. And that's the way they found him, his feet sticking out.

You see, I almost said another word. And so they were digging through all the stuff and they found 125 guns in his house, 50,000 rounds of ammunition. Some of the guns had never unwrapped and had rusted in briefcases and so I thought, what a shame. I decided I didn't know him because I could have gotten some of those before anybody got there. Anywhere from handguns, shotguns, assault rifles, all that. Yeah, here it is, there it is, a man, 57 years old in Newport Beach, California. The very affluent Newport Beach, California. 57-year-old recluse, who people were afraid of. But some people said he was a good person because he helped the neighborhood, his community. Cut the guns out of the neighborhood?

They brought them up as they came in. If you needed to get a gun for something, you come to him, hey young, can I get a gun? Yeah, sure, take your pick. They'll pay for it, take any one you want. Check it in, check it out, you know. But the idea of his passing, and the thing that they focused on was not his life, but his guns and the trash. So he left a visual record, and that's what we do. Each of us in our lifetime will leave 348,000 pounds of trash, tons of trash.

Each of us. That's a lot of trash. A lot of trash. Where do we put it all? Who cares? Bob Gonne, shoot it off into space. What the future holds for us is what you hold for us, what each of us contributes and holds. Some of us, our lives are, we're in different places in our lives. Some of us probably won't be here next year, and maybe more will be here and some will whatever. I'm hopeful everyone will be here next year, whatever, at least in contact or whatever. But the idea changed for me as an indigenous person, I get past that as a human being. To be a human being in this time has been probably the greatest experience that I could have ever asked for, that I could have ever asked for. And to experience all of the things that I've experienced, I take complete and sole responsibility for it as being my script.

I cannot blame a parent or the military or the government or, you know, the FBI or the CIA. I can't blame anybody for the experience except myself and my participation in it. And my participation does not always mean necessarily physically involved in it, working for the federal government or serving the country or doing this or doing that, but to physically participate is simply to breathe. We all have contributed to the condition that we find ourselves in by the mere act of breathing. We're still here. We still love to breathe. We're still breathing, and by breathing we are participating in the totality of everything that is. We're related and connected to it, and we affect it, and it affects us, and we are responding to those conditions on a breath-by-breath basis. It's such a simple process. It's a simple process to look at, and then eliminate all of the dialogue and the wasted time contemplating the navel and the higher self and simply get to work doing what is necessary to be done. If you want something changed, change it.

In talking about the great influx of New Age involvement with Indian rituals and ceremonies and I just touch on that briefly that there was this mass exodus from all of these different religions looking for this place somehow where they could really feel or put themselves together. And that's been something that we've done always. If we don't like it, we move. We don't like the situation, we get a divorce, or we leave, or we do something, we quit a job or whatever, but we never stay enough or long enough to fix it. Because if we're someplace that doesn't work for us, it would behoove us to consider perhaps one time to stay there and fix it. To stay there and do something about it. If we figure it's filled with injustice and inequity, then we need to stay there and work with it. And I say this to a lot of people who come looking for the magic formula, vision quest and sweat lodges and all those things and say, you have no idea what that involves, you have no idea the community and the connection of community that is invested in it for millions of years and so just to pay your $100 or $5,000 or $1,000 or $700 or $300 and do these things you have done, because you'll do it and go away.

You will not stay here, you will not work here, you will not invest your time, your energy or your resources here. You only want to say you've been able to do it and it's all been for selfish motivation. To give you power or some kind of recognition that this is what you have done, a sun dance and a sweat and this and that and so on and so forth. And that's all just... Bah hum dah. Because you have not taken it in to utilize it for the community. The community has not benefited from it whatsoever. And anything that you take from the community, you must also be willing to give back to the community in whatever form that you can, ungrudgingly, without reservation, so to speak, without animosity or without expectation.

But it takes a long time to get to that place. Maybe, I don't know, I'm still working on it. We've been in operation 20 years down there, attempting to share with people the concept. It's okay to give to someone you don't know. It's okay to help someone you don't know because believe me or not, it will come back to you. It will come back to you in some way, in a positive way, a very positive way. Positive, negative, who cares? It's just a matter of perspective. Is it a positive now? Is that negative energy? How much in now? Three-fourths, two-fourths, one-sixteenth, one-seventy-second?

Well, let's take one seventy second of your blood and we'll just talk to it. Hello Indian blood, how are you? That's a created scenario. That's a, that's a, you can't do that. There's no way to do that. We create genetics. We create a symbol, a phrase. We take this phrase, spare the rod and spoil the child. Let's say I wrote that 2,000 years ago, minus 40. I was sitting around one night getting drunk, and I thought, I better write this down so we don't forget. How did it go again? What did he say? Spread around the spoil of a child. I write it down and somebody's saying they're sipping Kool-Aid. You always have one, a Capricorn usually. So they're sipping on them in julep, you know, and watching you go through all this work, and then they'll say something profound. Yeah, but in 2,000 years they're going to figure out that you don't need to spank the child, but because by three years old their whole socialization process has been structured.

Then we'll come out with something like, don't hit the children anymore. So what about Sparrow the Rod and Sparrow the Child? Well, we'll throw that one out. We'll just take that out. We'll cut it out like they do, you know. Cut it out, take it out, and when you get to that page, you'll see this big hole. What was that one? And then pretty soon, if we wait long enough, there's all these holes in this book. We've cut out certain things because it no longer applies. Because we knew when we wrote it, it wouldn't hang on forever, it had to change. Because people would change, ideas would change, concepts would change. And it wouldn't be relevant any longer. Huh. Think of all the ink we wasted. Amazing. And the process, the change that is upon us. Where we're going. My grandchildren will live in space. My grandchildren will go back to where we come from. They'll go out there and they'll live and we'll pioneer and we'll do all the things that we did here. We'll go out and walk around. I see some pictures here and stuff. We'll go out and walk around. And the first guy that throws a gum wrapper on the ground is called a catch.

Holy heck. Because that'll be the first polluter. You know? But we'll go out there, we'll explore, we'll resettle. Resettle! Where we've already come from. We live in a desert here in California. Just a desert. A lot of green. A lot of water. If we can find water out there, they're gone. Those places are lost. They're gone because we'll be there in a fast minute.

We'll be staking claims, it'll be like the Oklahoma Gold Rush, little land rovers, you know, they get into that space, stake a piece in the ground, we'll float around, I got it, I got it, and that's where we'll live. We'll inhabit the planets again. It'll be a wonderful memory lesson, collective consciousness, because we'll begin to have déjà vu. Damn! I mean, doggone! I've been here before! Right! Now you remember. This is where we've been in our journey, and there are places we haven't gone yet, so let's try to get beyond the idea that there's only one galaxy, one universe. Let's get into multiple universes, billions and billions of galaxies, and let's move from there. Let's figure it as an adventure. And that we don't have to pollute this one beyond livability, that we can clean this up for those who don't feel like traveling, us older folks.

And we can do the twilight of our years here, setting up on the side of the hill over here, looking out over the freeway. No? And all you young whippersnappers can be out there doing whatever you want to in the Outer Land. The Hinderland out there. Doing what's necessary to do. And I'll still be here talking about praying every day and connected to the stuff and everything's related and everyone is sacred. I may not be as full of vitality, I may have to be sitting down all the time, but I'll have some people coming to hear me. I will. But that's the way it's always been, isn't it? And we've always gone to some place to hear something that we already know.

Anybody come here from a long ways? Long ways? Anybody here from a long ways? How far is a long ways? Hawaii? Texas? West Virginia, Hawaii, Canada, where? Washington, Ohio. Yeah. Thank you very much. Couldn't get along without Ohio. I came up here from Orange County, because the Mesa Garden Grove, they come a long way. What do you want? What do you want? What do you want me to say? What do you want to hear? I want to open this right now for a few minutes if I can to that issue because I've told you everything that I need to tell you, that what the future holds for us is that your projects, your plans here are going to come to fruition. My project, my plan has come to fruition. We're all going to succeed. It's been done. It's happened already. And we're just working through the process. That's all.

You're just working through the process. It's already happened. So put the energy, not wondering how you're going to do it, but just put your mind to doing it and do what's necessary to get it done. And that means everybody, everybody here, like everybody down there. I say, you know, get off your backside, turn on the switch, and just get to do something. Give me a commitment for three years. Give me a commitment for one year. And if I need something, I call you, I don't want excuses, I want you to do it. Just do it! And we'll get to where we need to go." And they kind of look at me, you know, some have backed off more than likely, have jumped up and said, yeah, put me down for three years! And then I can't find them. You know, phone's been cut off, this number's no longer in service, if you, you really dialed by mistake, try again.

You chump. Try again. Okay. But anyway, that's it. So I can't tell you about that, you know, there is this great vastness in your future. It's the hell you know what's in it. Don't go on. Sorry. You know what's in your future. You know. All you got to do is live with it, live it, live it out, live it out. And if it becomes too much of a burden, back off, pack your bags and jump off the train. That's what I suggested to those of my gathering and saying, the engines begin to pick up steam. And if you can't move with the engine, you can't support the engineer and the guy throwing the wood in there, then hop off now before it gets to moving too fast and you hurt yourself. Because I don't want you to hurt yourself. Thank you for the love and support to this point. Adios muchachos. Hasta la vista, baby. Because I don't have time to be trying to deal with you when I'm trying to guide the train or the car, whatever you want to call it. I don't have the time nor the energy, nor the where-to-all to waste time anymore fooling with your pettiness and the stuff that isn't important any longer to anyone but yourself. But that's the way to be.

If it's important to you, then go do something with it, but don't do it here. Do it someplace else. You know what I'm saying? Don't waste the time and the energy of the train by pulling in the other direction. And don't cause an accident. It's that simple. And we're growing. We're growing as a result of those kinds of things. I'm becoming more direct and more focused.

And that's the change that's going on within me. I've given myself three years to do this project. It's done, already done. When I gave myself three years, it was already done. The three years is just convincing people that it's done. You know? And saying, okay, here it is, here's the building, here's the ground. There is a sanctuary for humanity. Now I can go on and do what I need to do. What I want to do is something else now. I got something else I need to do.

OK. What would you like to hear? Way in the back. Well, last time you were here, you said after you're rewriting that. I don't know what you exactly call that. You have to quit it. Oh, dear. You have a lot of things to resolve and to put in perspective. One of those I thought would I want to come to a conclusion. There was no wrestling with it. It was that I am not as inspired by sex as I used to be as a younger man. Laughter And I look towards that in many ways. And one, the primary one that I was getting at is that I do not look at women as objects of sexual pleasure, nor men as objects of sexual pleasure.

Whatever my gender preference might be. Animals. You see? Animals, sheep, women, animals. I don't look to that as being an important aspect of my life as it had been, because the problem that sex is about, that it was explained to me, is about power and dominance and manipulation of another human being to satisfy one's own needs. That the one can have that control over someone and not have any other control in their life, can be an ultimate failure at everything and anything, not be recognized for anything other than what they believe their sexual prowess to be and their sexual dominance of another human being, and the manipulation of that human being's time, service, and resources, and to abuse them physically, mentally, and spiritually. And so I must look at feminine energy or masculine energy, were I bisexual or homosexual, I must look at that in a responsible way, and saying, it is not necessary to have sex in order to live.

I have gone 24 years with no alcohol, no drugs in my body, and I am alive and functioning, and I am doing quite well without it. And I can do the same without sex. I don't need it in my life to the point any longer that it is something that's going to make me feel better, feel good, feel dominant, feel strong, feel powerful. Because I already am those things. And there is no such thing as sexual encounter that's going to make me feel any better. And if it is not about love and only about sex, and the two, there are vast differences, as you know, then it is a futile exercise, an exercise in futility. Then you take the physical and the realities of impotence and aging, saying the urge never goes away, or the desire never goes away, but the mechanics and the facility of the wood clasps.

Of course, you remember the old windows where the flashes were on the side to wait? I wear several of those over my shoulders. One of those little clothes, oh, just to remind me of what used to be. For me, it was shown, I realized how much I had abused sex in my life as a person, as an individual. And how important it was for me to have sex per se, because it was the only thing that I saw as being comforting for me in a world of very little comfort. Disappointment. Disappointment in my life, my condition, and all the other things. A very dissatisfying disorder. It was a disorder, if you wish to call it that.

Because it was not the thing like food. Food does not resolve anything. Food simply puts the carbohydrates and the proteins in the wrong place and we start and create sugar and kaboom, we go out of shape, we go out of sight. But it's to fulfill, it's to fulfill a need and a hope. And I found that in the God Self, in the creation of the energy, of the spiritual energy that is within, and the recognition and acceptance of that responsibility, the hole is filled. You fill that hole. You fill that hole by being here for me, allowing me to interact with you and your energy interacting with mine. You fill that hole for me.

So part of what I was talking about is that, and another part of that was manipulation. How everything and everyone manipulates, how we use sex to manipulate, how we use beauty to manipulate, how we use weight to manipulate, how we use power to manipulate, and we all manipulate. How we use illness and sickness to manipulate, how we use wellness and fitness to manipulate, how we use money and power to manipulate. We all are manipulators. The Creator itself manipulates. You see? Realizing that and not being bittered by it, and not being captive to it, allows me to get on and do a lot more. To recognize that, to see how I have done that, and to keep check on it, and to question myself and saying, now why am I doing this, and why am I saying that, and what was the purpose of that?

to question myself rather than go blindly off and say things and go... bark at the moon. It's a responsibility. Even more so now with my new grandchildren and things which I mentioned all of that also and so that's an immense realization for me. It was a spiritual death, six of them, and a spiritual rebirth. But I made the choice. I made the choice to come back. I made the choice to remain. I made the choice to stay. It wasn't made for me. And the voice I heard was my own voice because I can't picture the Creator sounding like me. I had to take accountability for making the decision. I couldn't say, God told me to stay. It wasn't my time. Well, what did God's voice sound like? A lot like mine.

So I take accountability for it and I said to myself, well, do you want to go or do you want to stay? And I said to myself, self, I think I'll stay because I've got too much to do yet and I'm not done. And I can't die now because there's too much stuff in this place where I'm staying I don't want people to find. I haven't gone through my written works, my unwritten works. I haven't gone through stuff I've got in my office and drawers and behind and books and buried and under shelves and I have to go clean all that up, Lord, before I leave, so please don't take me yet.

Uh-huh. You see, being, taking accountability for that, it was, it was kind of a different experience because I didn't see my grandparents or my great-grandparents and there's nobody at the end of the tunnel. There was no tunnel. There was this vast, lit universe, and pain and anguish and sorrow and laughter and joy and music and silence and rumbling and lightning and thunder and amazing blasting stars were all there, all around. And then it would open to the sea, the bottom of the sea, and then it would open somewhere else. And every time I'd come back to this pillow between my legs and the two little flags that were waving there, they would turn in this blue light which was God, the breath, the eternal breath, immortality, the infinite breath, traveling, and me hanging right with it, you know, close encounter of the third kind when that thing went zoom, then the little one came and hung out there and went zoom, went after it, you know, hey, follow, keep, stay up with it, that's just how it was. And so now I believe that's what I'm about. So I'm just doing based on my faith. I can't prove it.

You say, how are you going to prove it? I say, I don't have to prove it. You realize, I don't have to prove it. All that's necessary is for me to believe something, you know. Umdājīva kāntaka wants us to believe something, and that is to believe in ourself. And if you believe in yourself, you believe in what created you, and what created you is God, and if God created you, and you believe in God, then you have the faith, and the faith is all that's necessary, because it will set you free, huh? Truth or whatever.

And each truth is truth. That's the process. And that was the thought. So I made it abundantly clear that my concepts and ideas and my respect for feminine energy is taking a new perspective. It isn't a sexual symbol. It isn't a perhaps. and I wonder what or why or how. And it's seeing feminine energy as a wonderful, loving human being to be respected because it's a life giver and it's resonant and cognizant to the Mother Earth, the fertility. And to respect it for that and to give it equity and to give it parity in my life.

That isn't a second thought or a sub-thought or a subservient thought that it's on line and parity with everything else that I honor. So there, it isn't a second class or an afterthought that I must respect in such a way that I've maybe never respected before. And that's what I was talking about. I was taking my own inventory. I was doing self-inventory. And I had to share that. I had to share it openly with the congregation. I had to share it openly with the gatherers.

I share it with you. I didn't have to tell you. I didn't have to answer that question. I could have said, that's personal and private and wait for the video. Wait for the series. It will be along. And it will be part of the series that will produce. But that's sometimes the road right now. We're doing something else. Another question. I don't use this microphone for any importance to me, but for the people that listen to these tapes, I think of each of your questions so important, you could put on the microphone. It can only be given to you by an acceptance. I'm going to take a long breath here. Thank you. Thank you so much. Get that guy's number. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Get that guy's number. He might need it someday. And can only give in to ourselves by our acceptance of it. And so when I look around, I came through the door, I went, wow, look at this, what a process. And coming up here wondering what it was that I could really share with you that for me and my need would have substance because you fulfill my need. Your being here and mine being able to come and be with you, that fulfills my need, my predatory self-interest.

It gives me my purpose, the fulfillment of my purpose to share with you a few simple things, a few simple words, concepts and ideas which I believe are paramount to anything. You know, when you talk about the community of heaven, if you're a devout Christian and believe in heaven and the works of heaven, that's your right and your place. If you believe in the supreme realization of enlightenment, that you will reach that pinnacle of enlightenment, then that's your place, that's your supreme right. If you believe in the sacredness of your being as you set, as you are, and as you are created, that is your right. And collectively, I honor and respect that. I respect all of the ways in which people have, because all of the ways are right. It's what we do with the rightness of our ways, of our perceptions that are important here, here on the process on this planet and in effect the place where we are at, the vector here on earth. It's what you do here in Tehachapi, it's what you do here in your community, it's what you do here in your work and your job here, if you have a job here. And your connectedness wherever you might be from, but your connectedness to this place and the ideas and the words, whether you're in total agreement or not is not important.

The fact that you still are connected, related, whether you choose to be or not. And then if you really choose to be, then you become involved. You become physically involved, mentally involved, emotionally involved, spiritually involved, physically involved, because it becomes that type of a process. You have a working community. And anything that you do outside or apart from and detached from doesn't really work unless you use the benefit of that to sustain and help sustain your community. We have passed the time, the time has changed when the individual and ruggedness of the individual and for the individual's sake, I, I, I, I, me, me, me has gone.

It can no longer be that for the only way that we can survive and will survive is through the harmonious balance of community and the realization that we must all find a way in which to live together, put aside our grievances, speak openly and honestly, put aside the grievances and the pettiness and the anger. As you heard on my tape from the 12th, I had no more room for anger. It had been burned out of me. It was gone. I had no room for hatred or animosity or judgment. I didn't have time for that anymore. All that I did have time for was to seek and to speak with as many as I could or can or will about the issues, the issue of compassion.

To find and to see within yourself the sacredness of what you look for, to see the glory of the sunrise within your smile and your eyes and within your inner self, to feel the power of the ocean pull within you and the pull of the moons and the planets, knowing that when you cough or sneeze or when you breathe, you move a star, you move a planet, you move through the galaxy. More recent brought to me in the experiences in December during that time of the six deaths that I went through was the moving through space and the moving through what I call the multiple, multiple universes and galaxies. And moving through sound, moving through sound and moving through spirit and moving through energy. It wasn't just an empty place with nothing because this space here where my hand is and what I grab is alive. It is alive and it breathes and it moves and it's right here in the center. You can't see it, but that's faith. And I know it's alive because it sustains me and you're part of that. That's a change for me. Because there was a time when I did not perceive that. There was a time when I didn't see my relationship with you because your relationship with me was purely social, political, and ethnic.

And you had the power and I was purely a pawn in the game of the ethnicity and the socialization and the economics game. And I was trained to do just so much that would give me a minimal amount of purchasing power, and yet kept me bound and in chains, so to speak, economically, politically, socially, not caring to vote, because no matter who in the hell I voted for, excuse me, for who in the heck I voted for, it wouldn't make a doggone bit of difference, because those people really didn't give a hoot about my well-being or the well-being historically associated with anything which I represented by symbolic, physical symbolic representation.

And I've shared with you the hatred I went through of being of color, how hard I prayed to be white. And I didn't know that all I had to do was join a particular church. And if I prayed long enough, I'd turn white. But I put that aside and thought to pursue being satisfied and happy with myself. And when those old men came into my life and they said to me, you know, you're a sacred being and you have validity as you are and until you accept yourself for who and what you are, you'll just be another fool running around the circle, looking, trying to catch your tail.

And so I decided to make the change, a change again. When I became sober and clean, it was a change. When I stopped abusing my family, it was a change. When I stopped abusing other people psychologically, physically, mentally, emotionally, it was a change. And that change occurs with each breath, each breath. I see things differently and the problem I had a breath ago isn't the same, it's changed. It's no longer as critical, it's no longer as pressing as it was because it's changed itself. It's changed. Because the energy that makes the problem changes also as it breathes and gives life and feeds off of all of the other things.

But I realize it's all about community, the community of humanity, the community of this place, the community of the gathering down in Garden Grove. We have that community and as I'm sharing more with them, the same thing as I share with you today, by partaking in that community you have made an unseen or unknown commitment. You have made and have acquired unseen or unknown responsibilities. And it's for you to figure them out, to eventually come into acceptance with them, to align them, to get them in a role, to somehow see them for what they are.

And not all of them are great and wonderful. I'd like to digress for a moment and say whoever has a responsibility of cleaning the restroom, Union 76 has nothing on you. It's a wonderful place to go into. The restroom out here, I just visited it. It's wonderful. It's immaculate, it's clean. I don't know if you get that or not. Union 76 prides themselves on having clean restrooms.

And this isn't a union station. I want to thank you. But moving back, part of the community, part of what you are. Somebody has that responsibility, you see, and somebody has a responsibility of setting up here, and somebody has a responsibility of setting there, and there, and there, and there, and here. And it's all part of your community. And if you cannot see it as your community, and as your responsibility, and as your commitment, maybe you're missing a grand experience.

It may be time to reevaluate it for yourself. What does it hold for us in the future? What about five years down the road, little crow? I don't know, I'm moving on the next breath. I'm just waiting to see what happens on the next breath. What am I going to say? What are your actions going to be? What are your reactions going to be? How are we going to interact? How am I going to communicate to you? The simplicity of it. The simplicity of it. It doesn't take a catastrophic catastrophic event for things to happen. It never fails to amaze me when they report earthquakes, they say things like, this is not related to...

this is in no way related to the one in 1953 or whatever. And I shake my head because it's such an ignorant statement. Because everything is related. You and me and the earthquakes and the storm and the wind and everything else, the heat, it's all related. And I think part of the community down there is that I've been sharing more and more the connection with nature and the connection with the environment and the connection and responsibility that comes with being connected to nature. Not in just lip service, not in just a once a month check or once every six months to Greenpeace or to the environment or don't dump the cans or don't put plastic in the sea and send those little checks out, you know. It's more than that. It's putting that practical concept to work in your own life.

How you can better do something. Our sticker says, everything is sacred, you make a difference. And indeed, that's the issue. Do you really believe you make a difference or do you feel that you don't? And is the kind of difference you want to make, is it something that you are in consensus with here? Because community has to have consensus also. Either we agree to it and do it, or we don't. But we agree to it and half do and half don't, and we do it anyway, you've got one half pulling against the other and the train's moving in two different directions, that won't work. So we talk about that also being the unwitting counterpart to success. How does something succeed? It only succeeds if all of us are pulling in the same direction.

And if we're not pulling in the same direction, then we're in opposite and opposed fields. And there isn't any time for that anymore. You and I are in the red and blue days. And that's when the sun will turn blue and the moon will turn red. And it will happen. Now what does that mark? That's some of that old Indian stuff. That marks the times of change that were talked about because there wasn't a way to articulate it. We had to have a physical visual symbol. Oh, the sun will turn blue and the moon will turn red. Red and blue day. Then we design a blanket for it. We have a blanket at our gathering which is red and blue, symbolic that every time somebody sees that red and blue blanket, they're cognizant of the red and blue days. And those times are here.

We've seen the fall of great nations. Last year we talked about the prophecies that were being made. And all the people who are making the prophecies. Prophecies are based upon history. History is secular. It's not too difficult to understand. If you want to know what happened a hundred years ago, what's going to happen a hundred years later, go back and look what happened a hundred years ago. And you will find in history that the same thing happened. It occurred. It's circular. It's inescapable. It's a reality. That's all. The only thing that's happened and occurred is change. Different kinds of buildings fall down. Different kinds of dams break.

Different kinds of crops are flooded, different kinds of vegetation burns, different kinds of people die. But basically it's the same day in and day out. Wouldn't it be very boring if nothing ever changed? If we could keep it like it used to be, the good old days and how it was, I don't know how it was, because how it was, how people thought it was, never was. You know, it never was that way. You don't find anybody who can tell you how it was really, they go, well I hear about it, or it was like this, but that doesn't make it like it was. And somebody says, you're not very traditional, and that says I'm as traditional as the next breath. I'm talking to you in a traditional manner, I'm an orator, so I am doing and participating in oratory, but it's not traditional because it ended with the last breath and begins with the next breath.

So it changes. Everything changes. There's nothing traditionally in place. Religiosity changes and needs to change because the people who are listening and reading John 13, it's the next breath. John 13 doesn't mean the same thing. And so you read, you know, you've got to read something else. It's just that simple. And so that's why we've had the modifications in the Bible, 14 of them or so, and we continue to change it as the needs of the people change.

You dictate what the Bible does. You dictate how it's changed and how it's rewritten. Either your acceptance of what is or what was. And if you refute it and say, no, that's not right, it doesn't apply, the words are archaic and antiquated, let's get up to date, let's bring it up to date, let's simplify the Bible, let's simplify religion, let's simplify our faith. Then merely accept the world for what it presents you and get on with your life in the best possible way. And don't expect somebody to do it for you. Don't expect somebody to do your work for you. Community takes an all-out effort by everyone. Everyone must participate or it doesn't work. We are a global community. We have those who are in abeyance to peace and balance and harmony. That's kind of historical. There's always going to be somebody who's not happy with the way things are.

It doesn't stop me from praying for those who would be disruptive and kill and destroy. I was a little worried about my age. I read a recluse, a reclusive old man, and he was 57. I'm going, whoa, wow. A reclusive old man at 57 died the other day from a heart attack. He was a pack rat and all the stuff he had fell down on him, only his feet were sticking out. And that's the way they found him, his feet sticking out. You see, I almost said another word. And so they were digging through all the stuff and they found 125 guns in his house, 50,000 rounds of ammunition. Some of the guns had never unwrapped and had rusted in briefcases.

And I thought, what a shame. I decided I didn't know him, because I could have gotten some of those before anybody got there. Anywhere from handguns, shotguns, assault rifles, all that. Yeah, here it is, there it is, a man, 57 years old, in Newport Beach, California. The very affluent Newport Beach, California. 57 year old recluse, who people were afraid of. But some people said he was a good person because he helped the neighborhood, his community. Cut the guns out of the neighborhood? They brought them up as they came in. If you needed a gun for something, you come to me, hey young, can I get it? Yeah, sure, take your pick. That's how you blow a ticket when you want.

Check it in, check it out, you know. But the idea of his passing, and the thing that they focused on was not his life, but his guns and the trash. So he left a visual record, and that's what we do. Each of us in our lifetime will leave 348,000 pounds of trash, tons of trash. Each of us. That's a lot of trash. A lot of trash. Where do we put it all? Who cares? You know? Doggone, shoot it off into space. What the future holds for us is what you hold for us, what each of us contributes and holds. Some of us, our lives are, we're in different places in our lives. Some of us probably won't be here next year, and maybe more will be here in some or whatever. I'm hopeful everyone will be here next year, whatever lease in contact or whatever. But the idea changed for me as an indigenous person, but I get past that as a human being.

To be a human being in this time has been probably the greatest experience that I could have ever asked for. That I could have ever asked for. And to experience all of the things that I've experienced, I take complete and sole responsibility for it as being my script. I cannot blame a parent or the military or the government or, you know, the FBI or the CIA. I can't blame anybody for the experience except myself and my participation in it. And my participation does not always mean necessarily physically involved in it, working for the federal government or serving the country or doing this or doing that, but to physically participate is simply to breathe. We all have contributed to the condition that we find ourselves in by the mere act of breathing.

We're still here. We're still here, we still love to breathe, we're still breathing. And by breathing we are participating in the totality of everything that is. We're related and connected to it and we affect it and it affects us, and we are responding to those conditions on a breath-by-breath basis. It's such a simple process. It's a simple process to look at, and then eliminate all of the dialogue and the wasted time contemplating the navel and the higher self, and simply get to work doing what is necessary to be done. If you want something changed, change it. And talking about the great influx of New Age involvement with Indian rituals and ceremonies, and I just touch on that briefly, that there was this mass exodus from all of these different religions looking for this place somehow where they could really feel or put themselves together.

And that's been something that we've done always. If we don't like it, we move. We don't like the situation, we get a divorce, or we leave, or we do something, we quit a job, or whatever. But we never stay enough, or long enough, to fix it. Because if we're someplace that doesn't work for us, it would behoove us to consider perhaps one time to stay there and fix it. To stay there and do something about it. If we figure it's filled with injustice and inequity, then we need to stay there and work with it. And I say this to a lot of people who come looking for the magic formula, vision quest and sweat lodges and all those things and saying, you have no idea what that involves, you have no idea the community and the connection of community that is invested in it for millions of years and so just to pay your $100 or $5,000 or $1,000 or $700 or $300 and do these things you have done because you'll do it and go away. You will not stay here, you will not work here, you will not invest your time, your energy or your resources here. You only want to say you've been able to do it and it's all been for selfish motivation. To give you power or some kind of recognition that this is what you have done, a sun dance and a sweat and this and that and so on and so forth and that's all just...

Bah humbug! Because you have not taken it in to utilize it for the community. The community has not benefited from it whatsoever. And anything that you take from the community, you must also be willing to give back to the community in whatever form that you can, ungrudgingly. Ungrudgingly. Without reservation, so to speak, without animosity or without expectation. But it takes a long time to get to that place.

Maybe, I don't know. I'm still working on it. We've been in operation 20 years down there, attempting to share with people the concept. It's okay to give to someone you don't know. It's okay to help someone you don't know, because believe me or not, it will come back to you. It will come back to you in some way, in a positive way, a very positive way. Positive, negative, who cares? It's just a matter of perspective. Is it a positive now? Is that negative energy? How much in today? Three-fourths, two-fourths, one-sixteenth, one-seventy-second? Well, let's take one-seventy-second of your blood and we'll just talk to it. Hello Indian blood, how are you? That's a created scenario. You can't do that. There's no way to do that. We create genetics. We create a symbol, a phrase. We take this phrase, spare the rod and spoil the child. Let's say I wrote that 2,000 years ago. Mine is 40.

I was sitting around one night getting drunk, and I thought, I better write this down. So we don't forget. How did it go again? What did he say? Spread around the spoil of the child. And write it down. And somebody's saying, they're sipping cool air. You always have one, a Capricorn usually. So they're sipping on their Manjula, if you know, and watching you go through all this work.

And then they'll say something profound. Yeah, but in two thousand years, they're going to figure out that you don't need to spank the child, but because by three years old their whole socialization process has been structured, then we'll come out with something like, don't hit the children anymore. So what about, spare the rod and spoil the child? Well, we'll throw that one out. We'll just take that out. We'll cut it out, like they do, you know. Cut it out, take it out, and when you get to that page, you see this big hole.

What was that one? And then pretty soon, if we wait long enough, there's all these holes in this book. We've cut out certain things because it no longer applies. Because we knew when we wrote it, it wouldn't hang on forever. It had to change. Because people would change, ideas would change, concepts would change. And it wouldn't be relevant any longer. Think of all the ink we wasted. Amazing! And the process, the change that is upon us. Where we're going. My grandchildren will live in space. My grandchildren will go back to where we come from. They'll go out there and they'll live and we'll pioneer and we'll do all the things that we did here.

We'll go out and walk around. I see some pictures here, you know, and stuff. We'll go out and walk around. And the first guy that throws a gum wrapper on the ground is called Catch. Holy heck! Because that'll be the first polluter. You know? But we'll go out there, we'll explore, and we'll resettle. Resettle where we've already come from. We live in a desert here in California. Just a desert. A lot of green, a lot of water. If we can find water out there, they're gone. Those places are lost. They're gone.

Because we'll be there in a fast minute. We'll be staking claims. It'll be like the Oklahoma Gold Rush. Little land rovers, you know. Hey, hey, hey, get into that space. Stake a piece of the ground, we float around, I got it, I got it, and that's where we'll live. We'll inhabit the planets again. It'll be a wonderful memory lesson, collective consciousness, because we'll begin to have deja vu. Damn, I mean, don't go on.

I've been here before. Right. Now you remember. This is where we've been in our journey, and there are places we haven't gone yet, so let's try to get beyond the idea that there's only one galaxy, one universe. Let's get into multiple universes, billions and billions of galaxies, and let's move from there. Let's figure it as an adventure. And that we don't have to pollute this one beyond livability, that we can clean this up for those who don't feel like traveling, us older folks. And we can do the twilight of our years here, sitting up on the side of the hill over here, looking out over the freeway. No?

And all you young whippersnappers can be out there doing whatever you want to in the Outer Land. The Hinderland, out there. Doing what's necessary to do. And I'll still be here talking about praying every day, and connected to the stuff and everything's related and everyone is sacred. I may not be as full of vitality, I may have to be sitting down all the time, but I'll have some people coming to hear me. I will. But that's the way it's always been, isn't it? And we've always gone to some place to hear something that we already know. Anybody come here from a long ways? Long ways. Anybody here from a long ways? How far is a long ways? Hawaii, Texas, Texas, West Virginia, West Virginia, Hawaii, Ohio, yes, thank you very much. Couldn't get along without Ohio.

I came up here from Orange County, coast of Mesa Garden Grove, a long way. What do you want? What do you want? What do you want me to say? What do you want to hear? I want to open this right now for a few minutes, if I can, to that issue, because I've told you everything that I need to tell you, that what the future holds for us is that your projects, your plans here are going to come to fruition. My project, my plan has come to fruition. We're all going to succeed. It's been done, it's happened already and we're just working through the process. That's all. You're just working through the process. It's already happened. So put the energy, not wondering how you're going to do it, but just put your mind to doing it and do what's necessary to get it done. And that means everybody, everybody here, like everybody down there. I say, you know, get off your backside, turn on the switch and just get to do something. Give me a commitment for three years. Give me a commitment for one year. And if I need something, I call you. I don't want excuses. I want you to do it. Just do it. And we'll get to where we need to go. And they kind of look at me, you know, some have backed off more than likely, have jumped up and said, yeah, put me down for three years, and then I can't find them.

You know, phone's been cut off, this number's no longer in service, if you, if you mail your dog by mistake, try again, you chump, try again, okay. But anyway, that, you know, that's it, so I can't tell you about that, you know, there is this great vastness in your future. It's there, you know, it's a dog gone astray. You know it's in your future. You know, all you got to do is live with it, live it, live it out, live it out. And if it becomes too much of a burden, back off, pack your bags and jump off the train. That's what I suggested to those of my gathering and saying, the engines begin to pick up steam. And if you can't move with the engine, you can't support the engineer and the guy throwing the wood in there, then hop off now before it gets to moving too fast and you hurt yourself. Because I don't want you to hurt yourself. Thank you for the 11 support to this point. Adios muchachos. Hasta la vista, baby. Because I don't have time to be trying to deal with you when I'm trying to guide the train or the car, whatever you want to call it, I don't have the time nor the energy, nor the where-to, all to waste time anymore, fooling with your pettiness and the stuff that isn't important any longer to anyone but yourself.

But that's the way to be. If it's important to you, then go do something with it, but don't do it here, do it someplace else. You know what I'm saying? Don't waste the time and the energy of the train by pulling in the other direction. And don't cause an accident. It's that simple. And we're growing. We're growing as a result of those kinds of things. I'm becoming more direct and more focused. And that's the change that's going on within me. I've given myself three years to do this project. It's done. Already done. When I gave myself three years, it was already done. The three years is just convincing people that it's done. You know, and say, OK, here it is. Here's the building. Here's the ground. There is a sanctuary for humanity. Now I can go on and do what I need to do.

What I want to do something else. Now I got something else I need to do. OK. What would you like to hear? Way in the back. Well, last time you were here, you said after you're rewriting that. You have to quit it. Oh dear. You have a lot of things to resolve and to put in perspective. One of those I thought would I want to come to a conclusion. I am not as inspired by sex as I used to be as a younger man. And I look towards that in many ways. And one, the primary one that I was getting at is that I do not look at women as objects of sexual pleasure, nor men as objects of sexual pleasure, whatever my gender preference might be.

You see, animals, sheep, sex, whatever you want. I don't look to that as being as an important aspect of my life as it has been because the problem that sex is about, it was explained to me, is about power and manipulation. It's about dominance. It's about power and dominance and manipulation of another human being to satisfy one's own needs. That the one can have that control over someone and not have any other control in their life. It can be an ultimate failure at everything and anything, not be recognized for anything other than what they believe their sexual prowess to be and their sexual dominance of another human being and manipulation of that human being's time, service and resources and to abuse them physically, mentally and spiritually.

And so I must look at feminine energy or masculine energy where I'm bisexual or homosexual, I must look at that in a responsible way and saying, it is not necessary to have sex in order to live. I have gone 24 years with no alcohol, no drugs in my body and I am alive and functioning and I can do the same without sex. I don't need it in my life to the point any longer that it is something that's going to make me feel better, feel good, feel dominant, feel strong, feel powerful. Because I already am those things. And there is no such thing as sexual encounter that's going to make me feel any better.

And if it is not about love and only about sex, and the two, there are vast differences, as you know, then it is a futile exercise, an exercise in futility. And then you take the physical and the realities of impotence and aging, saying the urge never goes away, or the desire never goes away, but the mechanics and the facility of the mechanics seem to suffer. Now the word is wither. Wither is one of the words there. Of course you remember the old windows where the sashes were on the side to wait? I wear several of those over my shoulders. What are those little crows? Oh, just to remind me of what used to be.

But to me it was shown, I realized how much I had abused sex in my life as a person, as an individual. And how important it was for me in a world of very little comfort. Disappointment. Disappointment in my life, my condition, and all the other things. A very dissatisfying disorder. It was a disorder, if you wish to call it that. Because it was not the thing like food. Food does not resolve anything. Food simply puts the carbohydrates and the proteins in the wrong place and we store it and create sugar and kaboom! We go out of shape, we go out of sight. But it's to fulfill, it's to fulfill a need and a hole. And I found that in the God Self, in the creation of the energy, of the spiritual energy that is within, and the recognition and acceptance of that responsibility, the hole is filled.

You fill that hole, you fill that hole by being here for me, allowing me to interact with you and your energy interacting with mine, you fill that whole for me. So part of what I was talking about is that, and another part of that was manipulation. How everything and everyone manipulates, how we use sex to manipulate, how we use beauty to manipulate, how we use weight to manipulate, how we use power to manipulate, and we all manipulate. How we use illness and sickness to manipulate. How we use wellness and fitness to manipulate. How we use money and power to manipulate. We all are manipulators. The Creator itself manipulates.

You see? Realizing that and not being bittered by it, and bittered by it, and not being captive to it allows me to get on and do a lot more, to recognize that, to see how I have done that, and to keep check on it, and to question myself, and saying, now, why am I doing this, and why am I saying that, and what was the purpose of that? To question myself, rather than go blindly off and say things and go... bark at the moon. It's a responsibility.

Even more so now with my new grandchildren and things, which I mentioned all of that also. And so that's an immense realization for me. It was a spiritual death, six of them, and a spiritual rebirth. But I made the choice. I made the choice to come back. I made the choice to remain. I made the choice to stay. It wasn't made for me. And the voice I heard was my own voice, because I can't picture the Creator sounding like me. I had to take accountability for making the decision. I couldn't say, God told me to stay, it wasn't my time.

Well, what did God's voice sound like? A lot like mine. Can I? So I take accountability for it, and I said to myself, well, do you want to go or do you want to stay? And I said to myself, self, I think I'll stay, because I've got too much to do yet and I'm not done. And I can't die now because there's too much stuff in this place where I'm staying I don't want people to find. I haven't gone through my written works, my unwritten works, I haven't gone through stuff I've got in my office and drawers and behind and books and buried and under shelves and I have to go clean all that up Lord before I leave so please don't take me yet.

Aha. You see, taking accountability for that, it was kind of a different experience because I didn't see my grandparents or my great-grandparents, and there was nobody at the end of the tunnel. There was no tunnel. There was this vast, lit universe, and pain and anguish and sorrow and laughter and joy and music and silence and rumbling and lightning and thunder and amazing, blasting stars were all there, all around. And then it would open to the sea, and the bottom of the sea, and then it would open somewhere else, and then it would open, and every time I'd come back to this pillow between my legs, and the two little flags that were waving there, they would turn in, and this blue light, which was God, the breath, the eternal breath, immortality, the infinite breath, traveling, and me hanging right with it, you know, you know, close encounter of the third kind, when that thing went, then the little one came and hung out there and went zoom!

Went after it, you know, hey, bow, stay up with it, that's just how it was. And so now I believe that's what it is for me. And that's what I'm about. And so I'm just doing based on my faith. I can't prove it. You say, how are you going to prove this? I say, I don't have to prove it. You realize, I don't have to prove it. All that's necessary is for me to believe it. And if I believe it, then that's good, because that's what it's about. All God wants us to do is to believe something, you know. Undoansu vakantaka, wants us to believe something, and that is to believe in ourself. And if you believe in yourself, you believe in what created you, and what created you is God. And if God created you and you believe in God, then you have the faith, and the faith is all that's necessary because it will set you free, huh? Truth or whatever.

And each truth is truth. That's the process. That's the process, and that was the thought. So I made it abundantly clear that my concepts and ideas and my respect for feminine energy is taking a new perspective. It isn't a sexual symbol, it isn't a perhaps, it isn't a I wonder what or why or how. And it's seeing feminine energy as a wonderful loving human being to be respected because it's a life giver and it's resonant and cognizant to the Mother Earth, the fertility. And to respect it for that and to give it equity and to give it parity in my life. That it isn't a second thought or a sub-thought or a subservient thought, that it's on line and parity with everything else that I honor. And so there, it isn't a second class or an afterthought that I must respect in such a way that I've maybe never respected before. And that's what I was talking about. I was taking my own inventory. I was doing self-inventory.

And I had to share that. I had to share it openly with the congregation. I had to share it openly with the gatherers. I share it with you. I didn't have to tell you. I didn't have to answer that question. I can say that's personal and private and wait for the video. Wait for the series. It'll be along. It will be part of the series that we'll produce, but for the people who listen to these tapes, I think of each of your questions, so important you could put on the microphone.

